The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
