Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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