You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
