i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
