And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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