this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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