I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
