I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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