I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
