So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
