i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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