I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
