im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
