After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
