We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
