she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
