so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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