I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize