If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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