What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
