What a fucking waste of an outfit
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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