So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
