Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So vagazzling was a success
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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