Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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