Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
