if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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