She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize