Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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