the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize