Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You can't motorboat a personality
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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