Your mouth is God's brothel.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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