I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
