I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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