he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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