does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
