In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
