Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
