I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
