hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
