I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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