Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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