The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
