Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
