I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
