Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
