stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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