Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
