jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I FOUND THE LEGS
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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