I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
