so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
