the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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