i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
