I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
