He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
sex in a hospital.. check
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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