I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
