I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
