He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
