I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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