??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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