my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
