I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
