At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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