her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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