The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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