He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
