Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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