Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
