Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
