K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
