i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
