I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
