i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
