So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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