The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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